Blessedly, I saw “The Omen” last night. No, I wasn't going to be the one to see it on 6/6/06. You may want to open up the door for Satan to jump through the movie screen and enter your life. But as a Native American, I have ancient religions and hokey superstitions to uphold.

Anyway, I saw the movie and it ain't all that scary. The core of the shocks come from religious imagery and jarring spikes in the soundtrack. The formula is as follows: tense moments, silence, jarring spike, and “Holy Crap what the hell is that thing?” It's almost Japanese as in our culture we expect the thing that made us go “Holy Crap” to attack. Rather, the characters and situations are made scary by mere presence.

The main hook of the movie is not the horror aspect. Rather, it is how well the movie plays on recent events. The opening is a Vatican slide show that incorporates events of the past five years as signs of the Anti Christ's birth. However, I'm willing to wager that a more engaging and frightening slide show can be seen in “An Inconvenient Truth.” The pay off at the end left me with an, “Of course that would happen” after-taste. Thereby setting the franchise up for sequels as in previous iterations.

The one shining star of the whole movie is Mia Farrow. I always associate her with the voice of the Unicorn in “The Last Unicorn.” Yet in that, I kind of disconnected her voice from her face and body. It's a shame, because in her portrayal of Damien's nanny Mrs. Baylock she has a haunting voice. However, she barely had any physical range except for a stiff nanny and then brutal psycho wench.

Overall if you saw the original, you shouldn't have to see this version. The original isn't all that great. It's just that this is like that one hit wonder who performs their one song in Vegas 20 years later. It's the same crap. Only this time there are flashing lights, glitzy costumes and lots of make up.

At the end of the first Underworld, I thought Selene (Kate Beckinsale) had three more ancient vampires to kill which would stretch out the franchise. At the end of the first Underworld, I expected more of the martial arts fighting in each of the following movies. I was wrong on both counts. Underworld: Evolution takes the story to a place that will leave you scratching your head and checking your ticket to see if you’re in BloodRayne. Furthermore, if you really want a better Kate Beckinsale vamp vehicle give Van Helsing another spin.

To understand this movie, it’s almost required to watch the first movie right before going into the theater. Much of the first 30 minutes is a clip show where the characters recount the goings-on of the past movie. “Hey, remember that time?” “Yeah, I remember that time.” (A bunch of unintelligible action sequences flash on screen obscured by a fish eye lens effect.) “Wow! That surely was a sticky situation.” That said, the whole historical background of the war is set up in the immediate beginning of the movie. Once upon a time, a man named Alexander had two sons: William and Marcus. One day, William was bit by a wolf and became the father of all werewolves. Coincidentally, Marcus was bit by a bat and became the father of all vampires. The brothers soon started a race war to find out which was cooler vampires or werewolves. What the Black and Blue Hell? Now, I’m sure people get bit by wolves and bats everyday and the most that they can expect is rabies.

This brings us to the much lauded sex scene between Selene and Michael (Scott Speedman). This is the one thing that haunts me about this movie to this day. Why? Because his penis doesn’t hang! Now, I’ve seen sex scenes before. Much of the action is obscured and the act is simulated between the actors. I mean, this is a movie and not porn. Yet, what blows my mind is that in the beginning of the scene there’s a wide shot of Selene and Michael. I’m used to people being right on top of each other for this shot, but Michael is a good six inches above her. They’re thrusting at each other and you see no penis. The poor guy must have been so emasculated by this shot.

The movie ends in such a way that it exorcises the specter of Underworld 3. Therefore, this movie does little to make sense of the story. I want to say it’s anticlimactic. Yet, the action which has been dumbed-down to primarily gun play will leave you so bored. In fact, you may walk out the theater asking people to fill you in on the parts you slept through.

The night before Martin Luther King Day, Cartoon Network aired an episode of “The Boondocks” that proposed what the world would be like if the late civil rights leader awoke from a coma in today’s world. In it, he delivered a speech that chastised African Americans. That following day, Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans delivered a speech including a hypothetical conversation between himself and Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Is this it? Is this what I got all those ass-whoopin's for? I had a dream once. It was a dream that all the little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression. But low and behold, some four decades later, what have I found but a but a bunch of trifling, shiftless, good-for-nothing niggas.” A world weary animated version of Martin Luther King, Jr. looked over a crowd in a gutted out church. The premise of the episode was that the civil rights leader suffered a 32 year coma. Prompted by the show’s main protagonist, Huey Freeman, King starts a Black Revolutionary Political Party.

Aaron McGruder, the creator of “The Boondocks” comic strip, is no stranger to defending his work. The show liberally uses the word “nigga” in each episode. McGruder’s militant views endeared him to liberal Americans. In fact, he was once courted by the Green Party for a presidential nomination, according to a New Yorker profile.

On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans, LA stated, "It's time for us to come together. It's time for us to rebuild New Orleans - the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans." He continued his commentary evoking a religious tone. "This city will be a majority African American city. It's the way God wants it to be. You can't have New Orleans no other way. It wouldn't be New Orleans."

Martin Luther King was resurrected as in “The Boondocks” for a hypothetical conversation with the mayor. Ray Nagin asked of the civil rights leader, “Why is black-on-black crime such an issue? Why do our young men hate each other so much that they look their brother in the face and they will take a gun and kill him in cold blood?” Nagin invoked King and replied, “We as a people need to fix ourselves first.”

Nagin’s speech was also teeming with religious imagery. He described a fire and brimstone judgment by God for America in the form of last year’s storms. “Surely he doesn't approve of us being in Iraq under false pretenses. But surely he is upset at black America also. We're not taking care of ourselves.”

That night on MSNBC’s Scarborough country, Joe Scarborough interviewed Douglas Brinkley, a presidential historian and a New Orleans resident. In the interview, Brinkley condemned Nagin’s remarks and inferred that the enbattled mayor suffered from stress disorders not unlike a soldier in a war zone. Scarborough equated the mayor’s comments to David Duke hypothetically saying that New Orleans should be a predominately white city.

The following day, Ray Nagin issued an apology and a clarification of his remarks. He described the process of making chocolate and adding white milk to the mix. According to political observers cited by WWL-TV (The New Orleans CBS affiliate), Nagin attempted to appeal to African-American constituents who were very unhappy about the progress of recovery from Katrina. In fact, some plans call for much of the predominately African American areas to be turned into green space. According to CNN, two thirds of the 485,000 people in New Orleans prior to Katrina were African American.

In a related story, Hillary Clinton apologized to a group of Hurricane Katrina survivors “on behalf of a government that left [them] behind, that turned its back on [them].” She spoke at an Al Sharpton Martin Luther King Day Forum held at the Canaan Baptist Church of Christ in Harlem.

Clinton continued her speech likening the House of Representatives to a plantation. “It has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard.” Later, Philippe Reines, a spokesman for Clinton, clarified the senator’s comments, “[Congress is] a top-down system that is fundamentally at odds with how the people’s House should operate.”

What's going on, sugar babies? Yeah. there's a whole generation of kiddies on the boards who have gone without a "Neshoba on the Aisle". But, dammit if you boys don't beat me to a punch on starting a thread about a movie. Pish!

So, last night I got the chance to watch "The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". I insisted on calling the movie: "The Lion". The house was packed. So, "The Lion" has garnered itself quite an audience. After a slew of CGI cartoon trailers, (what's the deal with all the CGI cartoons coming out next year?) we saw the trailer for the next Pirates of the Carribean movie (which rocked). Such the responsible journalist / reviewer that I am, I forgot that I was about to watch a Disney movie. Yet after I saw the Disney logo flash and I watched the German air raids, I immediately flashed back to "Bedknobs and Broomsticks". However, the movie quickly escalates into something more epic than BnB.

In fact, the story behind the movie seems to ask a lot of its characters and the audience. The characters are thrust into a fantasy world. Each one conveys a sense of disorientation and acceptance. However, they all accept the world at different points. Yet, through this movie you wonder if the characters should be freaking out a bit more than they are. I've seen this story exist in mini series form, and I might be more accepting of the pacing then. However, even as a 2 and a half hour movie, this iteration still seemed rushed.

That said, the acting in this movie is good. Tilda Swinton, known to genre fans as Gabriel in "Constantine", plays the well rounded and diva-licious White Witch. This is the one character in the movie that shows incredible range. I always caught the beginning of "The Lion" as a cartoon when the White Witch rode through a frozen Narnia in her sled. Yet in this movie seeing the rest of the story and watching the rest of her modes, I felt a pure sense of dread whenever she was on-screen which had as much to do with the actress as the character. Liam Neeson as Aslan gives us a bit of the gruff / war-worn Qui-Gon Jinn from Star Wars Episode I. Kiran Shah (who is not Deep Roy from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory") as Ginarrbrik, the White Witch's servant, plays a delightful villain who is more than just comic relief. And gaymers, watch out for voice work by the "foxy" Rupert Everett.

Overall, this was a good movie. People cheered at the end, which is something I rarely see in theaters these days. The acting is good, the effects are decent, and the music is haunting. One point of discussion is the story's Christian roots. And while there is a moral and allusions, the story doesn't get too preachy on screen. Religious right wingers can sit proudly by hardcore fantasy buffs and enjoy a good movie. Huzzah!

And now for the continuing adventures of Babar and Ryo-Ohki... Where we butcher two lovely foreign languages at the same time.

Current Mood: loved

Strange stuff happens when I'm not around in my new Daly City apartment...

Current Mood: artistic

Hooray for puppies! So, I go down to the Castro St. Fair, because I have a quick errand to run. I brought my digi-cam in the event that any madness would ensue. Along the way, I decide meh! Instead of pics of interesting people, why not pics of their dogs? Actually, yeah! I just wanted pictures of dogs. After the fair, we went to go see MirrorMask. I swear that is the last movie I will see this week. Here's links to g/e and the photos of pooches:

http://gamers.experimentations.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5986&hl=

http://gamers.experimentations.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5987&hl=

http://gamers.experimentations.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5988&hl=

http://gamers.experimentations.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5989&hl=

Current Mood: amused

It's October everybody! Well, not quite yet, but give it a few days. Actually, I'm waging that this thread will be buried under a barrage of Thundercatnip posts but meh! Why not give it the old college try and set this beauty off on its sophomore voyage (both in number and quality). With that, I give you the greatest of the great, the creme de la creme. These are my DVD picks for the month of October.

9/27/05
Let's start with the crap that we see coming out in September. September was a crappy month in terms of DVD. No one loves September. Just take a gander at what's coming out this week.

Robots - Oh G-d! Damn the eyes of the people who made this tripe. It was like Moulin Rouge had a head-on collision with Wizard of Oz and then they made the characters from the scraps of metal left behind. Granted it's a kids' flick. But, never since Catwoman have I found something that so blatantly screams: "you are not the intended audience" than this movie. The Robin Williams robot doing a Britney Spears number was something you wished to G-d wasn't in the movie. I mean, only people who make trailers are sadistic enough to pull off that crap, right? Pop music in movies works well when integrated well a la Moulin Rouge. Otherwise, it should just be relegated to end credits or James Bond openings. The juxtaposition that results from a song being placed smack dab in the middle is as laughable as when I saw Mel Brooks use "Funky Town" in History of the World Part 1. Don't worry I write a lot less about stuff I like.

Britney & Kevin Chaotic: The DVD - Speaking of Lucifer... You know, I read on the cover of Star that these two are fighting over the baby already. Wouldn't it be funny if Kevin was just a serial baby maker. Like, wouldn't it be a gas if he just went from woman to woman getting them pregnant. Yet, in some new twist he wasn't really doing it for the sex but for the babies. Oh hey! Michael Jackson has that racket covered already. I just thought it would be pretty droll if Britney Spears was screwed over just as much as Shar Jackson (the black girl Kevin had a child with before he dated Britney). Don't you people watch, "E!"? Christ!

10/4/05
Cinderella Special Edition - We have child labor laws in this country. Yet, I think it's time we set some standards. Like, would you really trust clothes made by a pack of rats? They'd be all like, "Hey! We made you a new shirt." And then you'd be like, "Aw gee! Thanks guys. And for once you didn't leave cheese stains or droppings on it." And then they'd come back with, "Don't forget to check the pockets. Hee hee."

The Amittyville Horror - Hey! It's that Van Wilder guy and he bought a haunted house for cheap. (Insert obligatory "White people do this, everybody else do that" joke here.)

Into The West - OK. do you really have to ask why I picked this? I'm Native American and so on... Actually, I wouldn't be so obliged to pick it, if there was more choices out there. Guess I'll have to do something about that...

Count Duckula - I guess they're releasing this because of the proximity to Halloween. Whatever the reason, let me just say: thank you G-d. I love Count Duckula to no end and this is a definite must-have for people with arrested development about my age. It's all about a vegetarian vampire duck people. It's great!

Drawn Together - I have to say. I somewhat enjoyed the series when it was on the air. I liked the take on Link, but I especially enjoyed seeing the bad guy from Dungeons & Dragons kidnap the Genie-parody. All the other stuff not so much... Although, the Disney princess gave me quite a giggle or two.

Man with the Screaming Brain - So, I heard this Bruce Campbell guy was going around whoring himself, his book and this movie. Supposedly, a bunch of kids went "gaga" over the whole sha-bang. i enjoyed the Bubba Ho-Tep movie the guy was in. Unfortunately, when he came down to Orlando, I was on my way to San Francisco. Le Sigh!

What Neshoba's gonna buy: Count Duckula. Yeah. I'm indian and proud, but gosh darn that vampire duck.

10/11/05
Kingdom of Heaven - Orlando Bloom is so dreamy. I just love him in films where he gets to pull out his sword and swashbuckle. Who cares if there's a dispute over accuracy? Surely, the teeny-bopper girls who fell asleep watching this did not.

Unleashed - Jet Li is so dreamy. I especially like him in films where the white people get to treat him like the subhuman we all know everybody else is. Am I being militant? Of course I am. But, you know if you subbed Jet Li with any black man this just wouldn't fly. BTW, every time I see Bob Hoskins I think of Roger Rabbit.

Arrested Development Season Two - I saw these guys win an Emmy and then bitch about how nobody's watching them. Given Fox's record on canceling stuff, I can see why the network is gun-shy to do so. Yet, I was mildly amused by the one episode I saw. I guess there's going to be a big underground cult movement for this show.

What Neshoba's gonna buy: Meh! I might save my money this week. Either that or put down for Into the West. The kids'll figure out what they want in time.

10/18/05
Holy crap! I can segue with these picks....

Elektra: Director's Cut Unrated - I'm getting a might peeved over the rerelease of movies nowadays. I mean, why not just release the unrated eXtreme version alongside the theatrical release. Gah! It's all a plot to make money. I might start naming this column "DVDs you'd be tempted to buy this month; yet, wait a give it another few before you do." Meh! too wordy.

Batman Begins - Ooh! Comic movie love fest! It's Batman Begins. I enjoyed the Bruce Wayne-centric epic of a movie a lil bit. Also, I can't wait for the next one. Plus, wasn't it great that the bad guy didn't die in the end? (Damn youse for killing the Joker and Penguin, Tim Burton.)

Batman: The Motion Picture Anthology - Speaking of whom... Look here. We have the anthology of Batman movies all two disc special editions. You could have drop $20 at Wal-Mart a couple of months ago for half this set, but then you wouldn't have been getting all the special extras attached to this bundle.

The Batman vs. Dracula - I ain't no fan of "The Batman". In fact, I damn well don't like it. But, gee whiillickers iffen I don't want to take a gander at this one. I think it's Dracula. I'm under his thrall. Damn that thrall that made me watch Dracula 2000...

Dark Shadows: The Revival Series - But, vampires are a fave of mine. Count Duckula and now Barnabas. This was a great series either way you slice it. Yeah this remake is somewhat watered down from the original soap opera. Yet, it was cool that they were able to get to the gist of the story in a mini-series. Angelique is my hoe.

Land of the Dead / Day of the Dead 2: Contagium / Season of the Witch - Not a boxed set by any means. Rather, these are a veritable potpourri of Romero flicks that will not leave you wanting for gore and such. Actually, these three put together are strangely more appealing than the Batman Uber set.

What Neshoba's gonna buy: The Batman vs. Dracula AND Dark Shadows: The Revival Series. I had my week of rest. Now, let me splurge. Doesn't that word just sound nasty?

10/25/05
The Wizard of Oz Three Disc Edition - Despite Baum's views on the genocide of my people, he wrote one hell of a fantasy. I dunno. It's like if you found out that the guy who wrote The Neverending Story was a Nazi sympathizer. Le Sigh! This edition is chock full of extras though. You get a whole bunch of short films made by the author himself. It seems that for his time Baum wanted his story to be across all forms of media. Interesting.

Paul Shrader's Dominion - Prequel to the Exorcist - More so interesting than the Oz fest is the original prequel to The Exorcist. Paul Shrader was the director behind the prequel before Harlin and this is his vision of the exploits of Fr. Merrin. Only time will tell whether or not this is accepted as canon.

What Neshoba's gonna buy: Dominion cause it's the perfect treat for Halloween. Murrr.

Hello my pretties. Seeing as my review of Hellbent went up like the Hindenberg, I decided to offset it with a review of a borderline movie. Cause really, the only reason why the numbers read were so high on that last one was because Flukey-poo manically refreshed the thread to see if I would come by with some asinine response to his "Red Vine" comment. Was that a run-on sentence? Sure it was.

That brings us to this week's tour de force en cinema: "The Exorcism of (Miss) Emily Rose." I include the parenthetical because the title reminds me of "The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pitman." I digress. The scare factor of the movie depends upon the audience member. Are you scared of the devil? Are you rattled by the possibility of being possessed? Do Methodists scare you as prosecutors? Do you have a job? Do you have a checking account? Then, you will be approved. Bad credit is no problem.

Here's the big catch about this movie: it's courtroom drama. Seriously folks, this is one film that reads like "Law & Order: Special Demonic Possessions Unit." Much of the possession and exorcism is shown through flashback. Now if you can get your mind around that one, you should be well off. Of course, you shouldn't expect too much of a horror film that rates as PG-13. Perhaps later on down the road we'll receive an unrated and extended version from the DVD gods, but today we'll have to suffice with this more family-friendly fare.

The fact that the movie is courtroom drama brings about one of the movie's strong points. It shows you how Exorcism and possession could all be relative hokum. The prosecution in the case presents a medical argument to the events. And, if you're not scared of the devil, you may find the prosecution's argument to be the most feasible.

The bottom line about Miss Emily Rose is: don't go looking for a fright fest. Be prepared to ask questions and enjoy the discussions the movie sparks. Thrill to how the movie swam above being not-so pretentious. And most of all, stop manically refreshing my threads and leave a damn comment once in a while.

Ah! Those days when I visited San Francisco... A group of us went out to see "The Aristocrats." Prior to the movie, a barrage of indy film trailers paraded across the screen. I was bored with the gay-cowboy-eating-pudding films I saw promoted. And yet, one film filled me with such glee. It was a slasher film. It had gay sex. It had Dylan Fergus. I gushed with excitement and turned to my nearest fellow gaymer and whispered, "Oh my god! He plays on Passions." In turn my cohort gave me a wan smile and offered me a Twizzler.

Flash forward to my assignment for Nine Magazine to cover Dragon*Con. I thumbed through the newsprint schedule of events for Sunday. To my surprise, Hellbent was scheduled for later that night. I just had to go.

So, with all the anticipation did I enjoy the first gay horror film? (BTW, I don't count "Mommy Dearest") Overall, I felt it was a great start to a franchise. The killer could have stood a proper developing. I wasn't too clear what his motivations were. And there is a twist in the movie that renders Dylan far creepier than the killer, whose face we never see. However, at the end of the movie there's an obligatory set up for a sequel.

But, for the strong points it's soft porn pour l'hommes. We see a variety of characters in primarily sexual situations. Everyone is out on a Halloween and they want to get laid. What surprised me about the story is it did not get preachy about discrimination. Surely, there is one point where the fact of being gay serves as a talking point. Yet, I did not see the litany or dialogue that I've seen in other films. Essentially, this is not a film that establishes being gay as normal. Rather, the film assumes that the audience accepts it as such. And I for one feel it's about damn time. See the movie. And for more Dylan Fergus, watch Passions dammit.

There is very little you can do to mess up the Batman mythos. Yes, even Joel Schumacher and his tolerable at best submissions fit quite nicely. Though, in this movie Batman takes a step back and lets Bruce Wayne shine. Through that, Chris Nolan offers up a more epic story than what some Batman moviegoers may be used to. However, with its glorious visuals, this Batman movie shines as one of the better examples of comic movies since the first Spiderman.

Let me state for the record that Cillian Murphy who portrays Dr. Johnathon Crane in this film is grogeous. Yet, his beauty belies a cold and menacing character that offers up the latest threat for Batman. Liam Neeson is Ducard, the voice of Rah's Al Ghul, and he is treated with the utmost respect as an archnemesis of Batman should be.

***Spoiler IF YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BATMAN AT ALL***
Most surprising about the movie is the murder of Bruce Wayne's parents. Here is a scene that we've seen played out a thousand times. We've seen Batman torment himself and wish it wasn't so. However, for all the tears and "woe is me" you'll probably never get a more emotionally raw story arch of the parent's murder and Bruce's subsequent actions as you'll see here.
***end***

This movie paints Batman in a darker shade of anti-hero. He has definitely ascended into darkness. Rather than a man who seeks revenge for his parents by donning the cape and cowl, we see a man who protects the city his father kept from ruin. Batman is not without his quips and Bruce Wayne is not without his decadent playboy lifestyle. Yet, we find that those things only on the surface and the movie pays them lip service. Overall, the movie is the best adaptation of the Dark Knight since the debut of Paul Dini's animated series.

Well, as a public service, I am putting out my picks for DVDs released this September and days thereabouts. That way you can formulate your own wish list and know exactly when the good is coming out and when the crap comes out.

August 30, 2005
(Our first week features a bunch of reissues. So, if you're a completist on any of these classics, now is the time to buy.)
The Blues Brothers 25th Anniversary Edition

Pretty Woman 15th Anniversary Special Edition

Clueless "Whatever" Edition

Pirates of Silicon Valley - Ah! The television movie about two computer geeks that own our immortal souls. How I adore to watch two guys curse each other out about stolen code and bad business practices.

Monster-In-Law - One of the movies I wanted to see in theaters but never got a chance to. Most likely a rental before purchase. Though thumbs up or down could always be appreciated.

Lilo & Stitch 2 - Only Aladdin had the good sequels when it comes to Disney Animation. Most likely another rental. However, the animated series run on Disney Channel is quite entertaining.

What Neshoba's buying: Pirates of the Silicon Valley

September 6, 2005
(Nothing but box sets all this week honey. But, who is head and shoulders above the rest.)
21 Jump Street Third Season - When Johnny Depp wasn't a character actor he was on this show. My mom used to watch this. I guess there's an audience out there for anything.

Charmed Second Season - Oh Charmed! How dare you steal the song from The Craft and portend to be a drama about three witches. My roomie loves this crap to death.

Fraggle Rock First Season - Hmmm. Well, I did buy the first season of the Muppet Show. You kids born in 1987 may remember the cartoon more than the "live action" show. Actually, when this first aired my family wasn't cool enough to get HBO. Eventually when I saw it, many happy childhood memories were garnered.

Lost First Season - What's the deal with this show again? Ah! The kids love it... I guess it's cool. Plus, it's got Pippin from LOTR. *swoon*

What Neshoba's buying: Fraggle Rock First Season

September 13, 2005
(Our hump week for September hosts an odd mix of DVD fare.)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Yet another movie I somehow missed in the theaters. However, I think I have enough faith to buy this before trying. Something about puppets and space just make me- NEVERMIND!

Chicago (The Razzle-Dazzle Edition) - Lookie here! Another reissue. Don't you feel like a chump for buying the movie when it was first released? Dump your copy on a relative who wouldn't mind and get your new shiny copy with more special features.

Smallville Fourth Season - I hear tell that the kids like this show too. Something about the WB post-Angel... *sigh*

George Lopez Why You Crying? - OK. Weird choice. I know! But, I heard some of his stuff on XM and I watched the special on Comedy Central. Funny shit! I especially like the Chuck E. Cheese bit: "You see him... happy birthday!"

What Neshoba's buying: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

September 20, 2005
(Box sets/Special Editions... Shouldn't the Special Edition just be the Standard Edition now?)
Battlestar Galatica Season One - So, supposedly Sci Fi Channel turned down Doctor Who, but picked up this show. Meh! Another one I guess the kids like.

Desperate Housewives First Season - Yeah. Yeah. I'm a soap whore. But, believe me. This show is crack. If I were you I would stay as far away from Wisteria Lane as possible. If you know what's good for you. As for me...

The Ren & Stimpy Show Season Five and Some More of Four - It's Log! Log! It's Big! It's Heavy! It's Wood! Hmmm, I remember on my first season box set John K. remarks on how fans questioned whether or not R & S were gay. Question away with these later offerings.

Mallrats (10th Anniversary Edition) - Hooray! Reissue. I kick myself for ever thinking of buying the original disc. Well, I guess you have to replenish your collection after every ten years. The movie's a classic though. "Brenda?" "Dick!"

What Neshoba's Buying: Desperate Housewives First Season
And what you gonna do about it?

September 27, 2005
(Slim pickings at the end of the month. But alas...)
Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story - Here it is. Now erase all of your torrents and go buy your legal copy. I know you're all Family Guy completists out there.

Evil Dead 2: Book of the Dead - How many editions of these movies are out there? Ten a piece? Goodness! I wonder how much the squishy Box Set is going for on eBay... Squishy = good!

What Neshoba's Buying: Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

I'm gonna try to write up a pair of DVD reviews this time God/Laptop Battery/Wireless Connection permitting. Yet, the first of our trots off to the land of all bits digital will be the box set of the first season of the Muppet Show. In a related story, the latest Muppets project is up for grabs: "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz". Yet, I must admit to not watching it . So, only a shameless plug will have to suffice.

Back at the point where all the madness began. We have the Muppet Show Season One DVD set. We are treated to a box set that we have prayed for from the Henson Gods since the DVD release of the deluxe versions of Labyrinth and Dark Crystal. Since then, The Storyteller was released on two DVDs each signifying the different series. Each of these sets offered as much insight as possible into the creative process of each project. However, The Storyteller's extras were quite bare.

Yet, The Muppet Show offers the original pilot (with Kermit only playing a bit part!) The promotional pitch reel used to sell the show to the major networks. Also, a text based feature of the set called: "Muppet Morsels." With this feature activated, clipart flashes across the screen and a factoid will be displayed at either the bottom or the top of the screen.

Muppet Morsels may seem intrusive at first. However, the facts and trivia are invaluable for any Henson aficionado. Each episode is labeled with a production and air date. And the order the shows are presented in follow the production dates. This order messes up the continuity. However, some of the continuity mix up is based upon the States airing the show in a different order as opposed to the UK. Each show is also complete with musical segments that were originally omitted in the US restored for the DVD. This set is a must have for any fan of felt and ping pong balls.

Telling you the end of the alien invasion in this movie would be like saying: "Rosebud is a sled" or "The Ring goes into Mt. Doom at the end". In Spielberg films, humans interact and conflict with the supernatural. Yet, the relationships between those humans that get the most focus. And for the most part, War of the Worlds was a success. Yet, the fairy tale ending for the human relationships will leave you begging Spielberg to pull the other leg.

Visually, Steven Spielberg translates the 1900's vision of an alien attack very well for the early 21st century. The alien crafts are not flying saucers, but they are more akin to Imperial Walkers from Star Wars. Having read the book, I feel that this presentation is a bit more faithful to the source than the earlier adaptations. And the aliens themselves are a funky mesh of the book's vision and our popular notion of aliens.

The movie speaks through metaphor. When Dakota Fanning's character gets a splinter in her hand she protests her father's attempts to remove it and insists her body will act naturally. During the attacks, humans are portrayed more as lab animals. In one scene, humans jump and cling to a rising ramp in hopes to not drown in the water below.

Back to the human relationship arc, Tom Cruise butts heads with his onscreen son. They play the parts of an estranged father and son beautifully. Cruise's character desperately attempts to force emotion on his son. The son desperately lives in ideals and desires nothing more than his own life and for his father to let him go. I'd have to say that I related to the son very heavily. I remember how it was being sixteen and head strong.

As a side note, Morgan Freeman's narration was one of the better performances in the film. His voice resonated with authority and gave the movie a sense of a fable with a moral rather than a just-so story. Yet, the all-too-convenient end for the family relationship arc gave the audience a hard pill to swallow. In fact, you'll also feel like Tom Cruise gets shafted in the end. Therefore, for the visuals and the conflict with the supernatural I recommend seeing this movie in the theatre. However, don't expect much in the way of human interaction because of the ending.

The bottom line is: this movie is a rental. Remember Jurassic Park 3? You know what the whole hook behind the movie was? "OMG, the frickin' raptors talk!" Well, here we go again! Only this time there's zombies instead of dinosaurs. AND ***Spoiler*** They use tools! ***End Spoiler*** DA DA DUMMMMMM.

The thing that hurts about this movie is the tagline before the title "George A. Romero's". You go into this movie expecting a serious zombie thriller. Yet, what you get is a fluff piece where there is no protagonist or antagonist. The plot behind the movie is nonexistent. And the setting and characters are of nominal interest.

To start off the main hero learns nothing from his experience in the movie. His goals remain pretty much the same and he shows little emotion before, during or after the events. In one scene he exclaims, "Shut up about your story. I'm sick of people and their stories." This is followed by, "Nothing bad ever happened to me." Nothing indeed. The frickin' world is overrun by zombies and this guy is nonchalant about the whole thing. In fact, after about at least three years (the opening let's you know the outbreak happened "Some Time Ago") of zombie-dom this guy is still keeping people around who have been bit. He refuses to mercy kill people who ask for it.

The villain of the movie is "The Man". He's a typical older rich white guy who found a way to capitalize on the grim situation. He builds a city with class structure and vices to keep the worker bees happy. I would almost say he's diabolical. Yet, like many things this guy just disappointed me. ***Spoiler*** I hope this was a joke: this guy pulls the "what's that behind you" gag to plug an associate in the head. AND not very well I might add...***End Spoiler***

The villain is accompanied by a black man servant. It pains me to see this type of character in today's movies. Period pieces, I can understand why you would have this type of character. However, in a movie that's set in the alternate version of today, I just thought we would have put that behind us. I guess if the villain just wasn't some type of figure representative of "The Man", it would have been all right. Yet, I saw no need for the guy except to provide evidence that the villain was a racist.

That leaves us with the Zombies. Oh my goodness: the zombies. They walk. They talk. They're pretty damn smart. Yet, there's no other explanation for this evolution other than: they're mimicking living people. At some point, the zombies click and organize. They rationalize where the food source is. Also, despite not running they still manage to catch up with physically fit humans. There's an angle I would love to see: "OMG, the frickin' zombies sprint heartily towards us!" However, running zombies are for another film and not this movie about the zombie intellectual.

***Spoiler***
On the note of using tools, the actual process of learning and teaching is sooo laughable. One of the major points is when a zombie picks up a gun and shoots. He becomes the leader and teaches others how to use guns without aim. What makes the whole thing funny is that after everything learned he lets out a satisfied: RAWR!!
***End Spoiler***

On the whole, you may be better off watching Resident Evil: Apocalypse than this movie. At least with the former you know it's a sequel to a mediocre video game movie. Better yet, watch Shaun of the Dead if you haven't already every horror fan owes him/herself the experience. As for this one: I learned that I shouldn't expect much going into movies about post-apocalyptic worlds overrun by zombies. RAWR!!

Bullets and emotions fly high in this great mix of an action picture and romantic comedy. Mr. and Mrs. Smith is the story of two assassins married and through a twist of fate turned on each other. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie manage to actually portray a married couple along the lines of those you would see on Desperate Housewives and sitcoms of years ago. She is the matriarch that keeps the house pristine. He is the bumbling yet adoring husband.

The action itself is framed with sessions at a therapist. The couple starts at denying the problems that they have. Mind you, that honesty is sorely lacking based upon their career choices. They go through the motions as a married couple and excel in their positions as successful assassins.

But, the climax of the movie comes when they are turned on each other. This is where they must choose between their careers and their marriage. I'll stop right there and let you see the rest. Yet, suffice to say there are tear jerking and heart warming moments accentuated by a couple of laughs. One scene to look out for is a dance scene that is cathartic as it is deadly.

After viewing this movie, I found it to be relatable in so much that these assassins were humanized. You forgive them for their career choices and move on to what makes their relationship like your present or past relationships. It's sweet and sad, and a movie I definitely recommend.

So, I read the reviews. Saw the movie. And further more, saw the movie with fans of the previous one. And the fair and balanced verdict comes down in one word: boring! In another word, disappointing. And for the litany, you should read on.

First, the thing that made the first movie appealing to audiences was the mystique of the story. No one really knew what was going on, and it took your first viewing of the film and a second viewing just to pick up on the plot points.

*** Spoliers ***

Here we have a rehash of the first film with all of the scares taken out. Remember the two teens in the first film who kicked off the romp into horror. Well, this one has two teens in the beginning too. Only this time, it's a boy and a girl instead of two girls. You see, we twisted it around this time. And those are the kinds of nudges that you get when you view this film.

Now this film does have it's moments like when Naomi Watts and her onscreen son are attacked by a herd of digital deer. While the stunts done in the scene would surely cause harm to a deer, you most certainly don't need digital shots for the whole scene.

The character of Naomi Watts' son didn't change too much from the first movie. But, he has enough of an independent air about him that makes you roll your eyes and say, "This would never be my child."

Samara herself is a one trick pony. She crawls around really creepy like and scares people to death with contorted faces. Yet when she meets her end in the film, you're kinda left thinking: Well, gee, this coulda been the resolution to the last film. You wonder whether it was worth it to revisit the story and get to a point where they coulda just as easily arrived to at the end of the last film.

*** End Story Discussion ***

That's where the true horror of "The Ring" exists. Like Jerry Seinfeld's joke about race horses, the punchline is: "That was it? I coulda stayed here and been first all along." You coulda stayed at home and guessed just what happened and how they solved the mystery.

I know! I know! We live in a society where the snarky and catty rule. But seriously folks, I wasn't too won over by this all star cast. Granted, it has "The Rock." "The Rock" is good, and in this one "The Rock" is gay. But outside of him, Cedric the Entertainer, Vince Vaughn, Christina Milan, and Andre 2 or 3 thousand, this pic is blah.

There in lies the rub folks. I find fault with John Travolta and Uma Thurman. God help me! However, as my BF put it: watching them dance was like watching your parents "be cool."

I wouldn't say I got my money's worth. But, on the plus side I got to watch Cedric the Entertainer beat someone with a spatula. That is to say, this movie is not completely without it's merits. Written by Elmore Leonard, the story feastures a great "double / triple cross." I felt the good vibes that came from watching "Jackie Brown" when I saw that plot twist. Oh, and do I have to say that "The Rock" as a gay man is just too adorbale. I mean check out the guy's trailer if you go. Watch for the Hello Kitty in the cowboy hat. ADORABLE!

Meh! You could do worse than to watch this movie, but you could do a whole lot better. I got my eyes on "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" next.

Rejoice Film Lovers!

Your old buddy Neshoba has suffered through two hurricanes only to come out with a glowing review of Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Why do I like this movie amidst all of the hate? It shines in the way that only Van Helsing and Aliens vs. Predator did.

This movie is yet another entry in the time worn genre of "Dumb Story/Good Action." Your ears will bleed at the sharp blasts ringing out from the theatre speakers. This movie was loud and never net you rest.

Milla Jonovich returns as Alice and her character kicks sooooo much ass. *Spoiler* She's been infected by the T-Virus and gained super human powers *End Spoiler*

The Nemesis creature looks alot better than he does in the trailers. I expected alot worse than what I saw. I am happy that people are sticking with puppets and men-in-rubber-suits than opting for the cheap CGI route.

You should see this movie and love it as you did Van Helsing and Aliens vs. Predator. Ignore the rotten tomatoes! Ignore the jaded online film geeks! Revel in the senseless violence and roller coaster ride that is this movie!

Yeah, I never read the book. But, I just have this sinking feeling that Isaac Asimov is turning in his grave. Bless him! From the second Will Smith swaggered onscreen with his George Jefferson walk, I just knew I was in for a inane Hollywood book adaptation. You know the movie is bad when the star talks trash about it in another movie. Anyone see Jersey Girl?

The movie itself as a collection of pictures is actually beautiful. The cinematography is great and the special effects are spectacular. But, when you put those pesky elements of acting and plot into the mix. Well, it's a robot induced car crash not unlike the one in the trailer.

Will Smith is pissed off in the movie and he's particularly mad at robots. Of course, Smith's character has a twist to him that you can see coming a mile away. Everything is laid out for you in this movie. Everything comes in a nice neat package. And what should be a statement of humans giving up their freedom to technology becomes a side story to the bigger message of the movie: Will Smith screaming in front of a lot of explosions is super cool.

Yeah, I'm jaded about Will Smith ever since he refused to kiss Anthony Michael Hall in "Six Degrees of Separation." And, I've never really gotten into a robot movie since "Short Circuit." But apart from Will Smith being half naked for about a good five minutes, this movie had nothing. If you liked Van Helsing, chances are you will like this testerone-infested joyride. If you don't think that that's the way for you, check out the book at your local library. It's free and a much better way to spend your time this summer.